THE
NEXT 007 FILM: MARTINI OUT-BEER IN! ALL DUE TO Heineken's CONTRACT!
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Sean Connery
w / AB
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Daniel Craig
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Pierce Brosnan w / AB
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Dateline London, UK: As
the world’s new James Bond, Daniel Craig, begins filming his
second 007 movie amid world record audiences for his
first outing, the old ‘brash with panache’
impression fostered by the
likes of Sean Connery, Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan is quickly
morphing into
a cold, cruel and dark image of a professional killer in the hire of
Her Majesty’s
Secret Service. The Carey Grant feeling
imbued in the older Bond outings is going by the wayside. And
if the producers don’t stop the writers,
a lean, mean total antihero will soon appear. We all
remember 007’s Vesper Martini (3 parts gin, one part vodka
and half a jigger of
Lillet Blanc vermouth, shaken and served with a twist of lemon rind).
Soon you
will probably be able to see that only in a James Bond Museum, as
Heineken, the Belgian beer
maker, has signed an exclusive product placement contract with the Bond
producers. What’s next? Trading in his tux for a ripped t
shirt and flip
flops and appearing on a Doritos commercial.
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SALMA
HAYEK TO PRODUCE AND PLAY LATINO BAND SINGER!
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| Salma Hayek |
William H. Macey
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Dateline Los Angeles, CA: Salma
Hayek, the current hottest Latino entertainment celebrity on the
planet, is
wending her way in front, as well as behind the cameras with equal
skill and
passion. And if you don’t believe it, just wait until you see
her starring in
the Independent film, ‘La Banda’, which she will
also produce. It’s a
Spanish-language romantic comedy in which she'll play a
wealthy housewife who finds
herself without money when her husband leaves her. To make ends meet
she
secretly becomes a singer in a wedding band, but finds it hard to keep
this
fact from her rich friends when the band
becomes famous. In addition to occasional appearances in the hit
television “Ugly
Betty” series, which she also produces, Salma is now filming
“Keep Coming Back”
a drama co-staring and directed by William H. Macy about a teenager
with a
heart condition and a crush on a stripper (Salma), twice his age who
decides to
join her Alcoholics Anonymous group, just so he can be in the same room
with
her.
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'SPIDER-MAN'
BUYS MAN'S SOUL!
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"Spider-man 3" Poster
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Tobey Maguire
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Dateline Hollywood CA: the movie capital of the world has not only told many
tales of those who have sold their souls, but the town has historically
had
plenty of individual residents in that category to spare. However it's seldom
heard that today
people are publicly buying them. Now it has come to light that Tobey Maguire has
become
a buyer and he wants to make it a major film star. Toby, as most know
is best
known for his Spider-Man portrayal, but the superhero has nothing to do
with
this story. In reality, Tobey has purchased
the story of Gerald Fraller, who is selling his soul in an on line
auction. When
Gerald was 28 his life took a downhill turn as he lost a dream job
and so he
vowed to turn his life around. Instead of searching for another job
Gerald created
a website in which
he stipulated the
conditions that he would sell his soul. To everyone’s
amazement, including his,
Gerald has actually so far received over 4,000 bids on his eternal
spirit and
will reveal the winner in November. And what, pray tell, does
Gerald’s soul
really consist of ? First
of all the
winning bidder will receive the right to name Gerald’s
future children and receive
a share of his personal earnings. The latter
could be quite lucrative now that Toby’s paid a hefty sum for the rights to his life
story. Film plans
are in the pre-pre-production stages. But a script will soon be written and
then Toby
will shop it around the studios. If you are in the soul buying business
and
would like to make a bid:
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THIS WILL BE THE YEAR OF THE '3QUEL'!
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| 'Pirates of the Caribbean' Poster |
'Shrek the Third' Poster
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In their never ending quest to
maximize profits above everything else, Hollywood
producers this year, by and large, are taking the same low and safe road. The films that generated
multi million ticket receipts internationally with their first film and sequel
are now the best bet for a ‘3quel’. It’s going to begin with “Shrek the Third”,
whose franchise to date made over one billion four hundred million dollars. Of
course Capt Jack Sparrow will bring back his “Pirates of the Caribbean”
for the third go, as his first two outings grossed over one billion, seven
hundred million dollars worldwide. And everyone wants ‘Spidey’ to return for a
third go at the bad guys. But two of the
expected winners, ‘The Hulk’ and ‘Superman Returns’ are not even going to go
for number two, as their worldwide grosses were not in the blockbuster class.
We guess that’s why Hollywood
classifies film making as the Motion Picture ‘Industry’, where the medium is
definitely not the message. The bottom line is truly the bottom line- Profit is
king. So get ready for even more with “Rush Hour 3”, “Hannibal Rising”(actually a prequel but the third in its series), “Ocean’s 13”, “Resident Evil 3” and “The Bourne Ultimatum”
and who knows how many more in the wings.
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